Hired Help

You don’t necessarily need hired help, here’s a list of reasons why we have them.

Because of the humidity, cleaning is a constant thing. Every home has hardwood floors or a hard surface so it constantly needs to be swept and mopped (I don't know how it gets so dirty so fast). Kitchens typically have no ac or airflow so cooking and cleaning in the kitchen are extremely hot. If you don't clean up things immediately, it attracts bugs, roaches and ants mainly. Laundry takes a lot longer due to the size of washer we have. It's tiny, 4 bath towels would be on the extra large load setting, everything is hang dried, ironed, folded and put away. (If you don't iron your clothes everything is horribly wrinkly, making it a must.) Electricity is SUPER EXPENSIVE so we don’t use the dryer except on necessary items.

If you have to leave your kids home for some reason, there is no one who babysits here. I wouldn't ask anyone from the ward to watch our kids, since there is such a class difference. There is high class and low class. The middle class is nonexistent. I wouldn't take my kids to someone else's house who’s not an expat, its not safe and other expats have hired help so it's not like the mom would be watching her own kids + mine, it would be their yaya, plus it’s just a burden on everyone. It's important to have someone who's trustworthy working for you so you have someone to watch your kids, and that the kids know and trust themselves. One of the other major reasons we have help is due to Brian’s work schedule. Brian works random hours, typically going in for several hours during the day and gone most nights so it's not like Brian and I can coordinate watching the kids. This is another reason we need date nights (or days) to get in one on one time with each other.

Things are open from 10 or 11 am to 9 pm and lots of places closed from 12-1 for lunch. If you need to go to the grocery or store or pay bills, really get anything done with a business, you must do it between those hours. There are roughly 13 million people who live in Metro Manila. The traffic is horrible! When we take the kids with us to do grocery shopping, it ends up taking several hours with travel time to and from, shopping, lines. I forgot to mention you can't get everything you are looking for in one stop, unless you are very lucky. We've found that shopping with the kids is hard on everyone, so we try not to do it as much as possible.

I mentioned drive time; the driving here is complete chaos with no real rules. 3 lanes of traffic can easily have 5 cars across them. Busses, taxi’s, motorbikes and other vehicles do whatever they want on the road, causing major confusion and everyone to be a little cautious at times, and that doesn’t even begin to describe the kinds of traffic jams that happen if there’s an accident!

We went carless the first year we were here, taking taxi’s everywhere, which caused delays and frustration. If it was rainy, (June-November) you had to wait forever to get a taxi, in taxi lines which at times lasted over 2 hours. Another fun thing about taxis is the possibility of little hitchhikers, roaches and mosquitoes. It’s not fun to be in a taxi and look down and see a roach on your leg! Dengue fever is transmitted through mosquitoes so you never like to be in a car where there are several attacking you!

When we switched companies we got a van and a driver, we were so excited! After a year of having him I would expect him to have a better memory of things we do regularly. Having a driver can be a great thing especially since that means I can get dropped off somewhere and Brian can be driven to work things. It can make life much easier. Unfortunately we are having a hard time with the language barrier, half the time he understands what we’re saying and the other half he doesn’t have a clue, it’s a huge problem. I love to drive here because I am a crazy driver. I’m very aggressive, yet super defensive too. Brian drives too so we are mobile without a driver but parking is a royal pain. Sometimes there is no parking around, other times it’s a huge parking structure or a dirt lot outside, but it could easily add 30 minutes to your trip, get in line to go into the structure, get a ticket, pop your trunk, let the guard check out your car and a dog smell for whatever they’re checking for, drive up, find a spot walk into wherever you’re going. Sometimes there is valet and that helps a ton, but it’s hit or miss.

I wouldn’t want to take the kids to a market to buy produce because having kids makes me an easy target, not to mention the petty theft, like pick-pocketing, so you wouldn’t to carry anything valuable like a cell phone. When we go out shopping at an open market or bazaar, we get the white skin tax added on to whatever we want to buy. It’s good to have someone local who can go and buy things for you and get the local price, which can be ½ or more off depending on what it is. (Here they don’t follow any non-discrimination laws, I’m not sure if they have any.)

Another reason we don’t like to go out in big public places with our kids is because of the blond hair, blue eyes and white skin, they get more attention than we like. It is very rare to see those qualities here. Our kids get stared at, touched, pinched, asked their names, followed around, people attempt to hold them, talked to by everyone and sometimes given things by strangers, it’s very hard on them and because of it they are more shy around people (which I don’t mind).

Hired help is great to have to pay bills that would require you to stand in line for hours, help explain the process of things or better yet they just deal with it because the process doesn’t make one bit of sense. Having someone who can translate is a real bonus. Knowing where to go to get things or knowing how to ask a question in the native language also helps a ton.

Hired help is one of the biggest industries in the Philippines. Even lots of the lower class families have yayas. The parent's are not typically the ones to be with the kids all day. Unfortunately this is one of the biggest downfalls of the Philippines. There are a lot of kids that have no authority figure around them. Yayas typically won't tell kids no. The yayas want to keep the kids happy, so the kids won't complain to the parents, so they can keep their jobs. We have run in to lots of kids that literally abuse their yaya and anyone around them for that matter. Since there are so many people in the Philippines that need jobs, there will always be an ample supply of in house hired help. For our full time employee who is partial live in 5 days a week, we pay roughly $250 a month.

It’s nice to have someone around to help with kids when I feel sick, giving me the chance to really rest. It’s nice to know someone is home watching the kids when I go to the gym. Or when Olivia is taking a nap, I can run an errand. It’s fabulous to have someone I trust that can take Gavin and Olivia outside to play if I am gone. It’s great to have the house clean when we come in from swimming, to know that I can really enjoy my time with my family and not worry so much about the little things. I do appreciate the wonderful people who work for our family, but sometimes it’s hard to keep the balance. Living in the Philippines is definitely a trip. There are times when I wish we were done, but most the time, I keep busy with things and everything goes really well. I have started to do a little bit of traveling on my own and it definitely wouldn’t happen if we didn’t have people we trusted to help with the kids when I was away.

I hope this gives you an idea of why we have hired help. I’m learning a lot of what to do and what not to do when dealing with people on a daily basis in our own home. It’s like I am a manager, dealing with work issues daily. I don’t know how good of a “boss” I am but I’m learning and that’s all that really matters, right?! I have noticed when I’m home and give my kids the attention they deserve and need everyone is more pleasant.

It’s hard to dictate what kinds of things I want other people to do for my family, especially when I’m not around to enforce them myself. It’s better if I am the one to enforce and help teach my kids the lessons I want them to learn. The best teacher is the one who teaches by example. This is what I have learned through my experiences.

I am up for the challenge of being a fulltime mom again. I’m glad that it’s where my heart is. I love my family so much. Gavin and Olivia are wonderful kids and I can’t believe how much they have grown in one crazy year. I know the kind of mother I want to be and I’m willing to make it happen. I feel bad that I felt the need to have the socialization more than the need to be around my kids. After being up in Baguio for 7 months where I was deprived of any social contact, I kind of went crazy with the social groups. I have since realized, there are groups here that combine the kids with the adult socialization. I’m thrilled to be apart of it. Getting to know my kids more while being around other adults rocks! Family first, everything else takes a back seat!

I hope this answers some of the questions about why we have hired help. I know I got off topic a bit but feel like it's all truth. Since I haven't blogged about hardly anything while I've been here I will strive to blog more and hope you can understand a little bit more about the kinds of things we deal with on a regular basis.