Family.

As I finish my day, organize a few toys and put the pieces of a puzzle back together, I am grateful for families. My family. Living the life of an expat has it's ups and downs. One of the ups is you get to have help, doing all the things that you don't want to do. It gave me so much more time to be involved in the community, really volunteer and have some much needed me time. Unfortunately it's easy to lose sight of what is really important.

A week ago, we took Megan back to the orphanage. They had gotten her twin and we decided we aren't in a place to have more kids in the house. It was a great learning experience for our whole family. One I wouldn't change if I could. Having Megan around helped me reconnect with my own kids.

As I was saying, we took Megan back on Friday morning, and then our little family headed to Subic for a long weekend. We didn't take a driver, a maid or a yaya (nanny). It was just the four of us. Father, mother, brother, sister. We all enjoyed a breathe of fresh air. A break from everything. We reconnected as a family. We could be happy and celebrate like a normal family, and we could scream and yell and throw fits, like a normal family. I didn't realize until then, how much of our lives are so publicly on display. We never get real family time any more. We are very aware of listening ears in our home or car, and it's not that what we're talking about would matter to anyone, but it's the fact that it's not a private conversation. When we're out, people will stare at us and our kids, standing a few feet from us, very obvious. Sometimes it happens when we go to our building pool. I want to scream and yell at people that we're trying to have some family time. (I don't do this since it would have a negative effect, but there are days where I have reached my limit and it takes everything in me to walk away or ignore it until they move on.)

This week is Holy Week, declared holidays where everyone is supposed to get a few days off, kind of like Christmas. We decided to let everyone off for 4 more days. It's been so nice to not have anyone else in our house. As I have thought about things more, I have realized what I really want to do. I want to be a mom. I want to clean up dishes, serve dinner, help the kids make their beds. I want them to come to me when they are hurt, excited, want to read or play a game. I love it when Gavin and Olivia (together) come into my room in the morning and give me big kisses and hugs and cuddle with me for a few minutes before I get up.

Some people think that after having hired help over here, it would be hard to move back to the States where you have to do everything yourself. I can honestly say, that I can hardly wait! Having help over here is a necessity, and I am very grateful for those who work for me, but it is a very hard thing to deal with regularly.

It's not that our helpers are not good, cause they are, but there is a lot of micromanaging that goes along with having other people in your house. Not to mention the miscommunication due to not only language barrier but the fact that most people won't tell you "no" or as questions when given an assignment. And no matter how hard you try to make things work there is a HUGE cultural difference.

Today and yesterday has been great. We have all pitched in to do the housework. We've played hard, and been at the pool a bunch. We've even kept the tantrums to a minimum. I wish life in the here could be as simple as it's been this last week.

With our wants come sacrifices. After moving from Baguio to Manila, I was in desperate need and want of social activities. I sacrificed my family for it. I'm glad to know what I really want again. I can have the social things and include my family, it's just a matter of changing priorities. Family First... Everything else is Second.